A Relationship at the edge of its Existence

A girl I know, who happens to be my best friend, was unhappy for the past few days. She had a relationship with this guy and it wasn’t going good. Suddenly, she broke it up and seemed strict in her decision. She had a strong reason. Nonetheless, within a day, they got back together.

The following day, the guy broke it up.

depressed girlShe called me twice that afternoon. I was at lunch and my handset was on my computer table. When I saw the missed calls, I called her back. She tried to sound casual but I sensed something was wrong. Before I could figure it out, she started to cry. And let me assure you: it was impossible to calm her down.

I’ve always been a loner. I don’t have many friends so don’t talk much. No girl (or boy) had ever called me and cried that way before. But she’s my best friend and, in that moment, it made sense to choose me as a listener. New to these situations, I hadn’t much to say, but still managed to soothe and ease away her cry. I waited and asked her not to cry. I reckoned I should let her cry. From what I’ve experienced so far, crying sets your mind free and lessens depression or shock.

When she recovered, she said the guy had broken up with her and that she couldn’t live without him. At first, I had nothing to say; it just sounded stupid. She was the one who broke it off before. Apparently, her boyfriend had addressed her in a despicable manner and she firmly decided never to go back with him. But when they talked again, she said sorry. Let me tell you why she did it.

She told me that she had a separate Facebook account that her boyfriend didn’t know of. She was active on that account and she would accept add request from almost anybody. When this hidden fact had come to light, her boyfriend became very angry and told her many bad things. (I could expose the word but I see it somewhat disrespectful for my friend.)

Then she broke up, but couldn’t stay for herself. I told her that it was definitely a mistake. ‘You should have told him as you knew that he’d be suspicious to know that you had a separate Facebook account.’ She did say sorry to him. But, in my opinion, what she heard from him was not fair in any way. So, I told her to wait till he comes back and is sorry for his words.

Huh! She couldn’t wait. She jumped back to her boyfriend’s lap and tried to get things back to normal. The result: he broke up the following day; hours before she called me.

I don’t think her relationship will last long because her boyfriend is too suspicious about her every move. She has to face tons of questionnaires among what ‘where have you been,’ ‘who were you talking to,’ ‘why were you talking to him (this could be anybody),’ etc are very common. And the most important of all was that the guy has understood that she can’t live without him. So, he stopped caring much about her as he started to think that whatever he’d do, the girl will keep coming back.

He was right, though. Few hours later, I talked to her again. She said, ‘I got things back to normal. It was too hard, though.’ I asked, ‘What normal?’ She said, ‘He has agreed to continue the relationship.’

I sighed. Right now I’m sure that the relationship she is in is at the edge of its existence. She has to face a deep shock and suffer great sorrow ahead. She has to cry a lot; more than she might be thinking of. Because this weak relationship is not going to last, at least, not after this incident.

What I know is she constantly asked him to get back in the relationship and the guy gave her a second chance. There were more things that made me angry at her. I came to know the following fact from her own words: she was interrupted by her boyfriend when chatting with anyone on Yahoo Messenger. Her boyfriend would suddenly show up and ask her to sign out and she had to sign out. I asked, ‘Why do you have to sign out?’ She said, ‘Otherwise he would never talk to me,’ to which I replied, ‘Then let it be. If he really loves you, he will talk to you. He has to talk to you. And it’s unfair that he won’t let you chat with your friends.’

The guy is sure that the girl will be coming back to her. There is no scope for him to do something to make her happier (notice that it’s comparative) and build more love in her heart for him. So, he is most likely to go away.

“I’m sorry, my friend. But this is how things work. You really shouldn’t have acted like that. Now he owns you. Now he doesn’t find any interest on you because you’re too much into him. Prepare for a sorrowful time ahead. You won’t be sorrowful for the rest of your life, though. But you’ll be hurt very badly. Stay ready for that.”

Update 1
She just told me that he broke up again. This time the reason is that he doesn’t want her to go out with her friends. She said, she planned to go out with three of her friends on one’s birthday (I think I should note that they are all females :| ). The guy won’t allow her to do so. But she can’t miss it. They are her friends and you know how it feels to reject such a plan. As a result of that, they broke up again. Let’s see how long it takes for them to get back together again, in case that happens, of course.

Update 2
As assumed, they are back together.

This post will no longer be updated because I try to follow and track down their relationship status, this post will soon turn into the longest post in the world. :| So, just imagine an endless loop of Update 1 and Update 2 which is happening in real.

Part of this post was edited by: Note to Self: Humanize. I’m thankful to her for the time she spent for editing the post.

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15 thoughts on “A Relationship at the edge of its Existence

  1. I just read a book that sort of emphasizes on being open about feelings. Unsaid feelings can make people in a relationship feel unwanted and unloved. Which is why her expressing her feelings can actually strengthen the relationship. If he didn’t like her he wouldn’t agree on getting back together. He’d move on for someone else.

    Your friend’s just giving him a second chance. There’s nothing wrong with that. Maybe she does like him very much.

    Or maybe she’s desperate to have a boyfriend. That’s quite common among girls.

    But, you really can’t predict if she’ll wind up sad. Maybe the guy also likes her. Which is why he agreed to get back together again. And people do say some really ugly things when they are angry. You can’t judge people when they are angry unless they are always angry.

    • I have updated the post with a new paragraph that I missed when publishing the post. Read that. I don’t really think their relationship will go long.

      And he agreed on getting back together apparently because he still likes her. Well, I don’t argue that he doesn’t, but this could be either because he likes to talk to her or he isn’t looking for/hasn’t found any new girl yet. You know boys do that. None of them indicate that they are in true love. And he may not be always angry, but he is always suspicious; which works the same way it would if he was always angry.

      My friend, the girl, loves him too much and I am sure about it. I welcome it, but I also don’t like to cross the limit. Just read the third paragraph from the bottom and let me know your thoughts.

      In all situation, I wish they have a happy life together. After all, she is my best friend.

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  3. There’s a popular expression in english for this: ‘boys will be boys’. Which means he is still a boy and he will act like that. The same way she is still young as well. Going in and out of relationships is natural when you’re young and immature. Let them be. Be more of a listener to your friend, don’t give much advice and especially don’t post it on your blog.

    Sajib, don’t waste your time writing about relationships, remember your blog is your image to the word. Choose wiser topics. Talk about what a journalist would write about. Write about something on the news or the discoveries, or curiosities about animals. Act like a journalist.

    My God, it’s very late here. Now I really have to log out! LOL

    Have a good weekend.

    • I posted it because I thought it was something that could start a discussion. I don’t give much advices. I just observe how they are doing in their relationship and hope that they end up being together.

      Actually, this is a blog that knows no range of topics. I created it on 2008 to practice English writing. I want to be fluent in writing on any given topic. In fact, that’s why I write up whatever comes to my mind or whatever happens around me or whatever experience I have.

      By writing on this relationship topic, I’ve improved somehow about how to write fluently when describing someone’s relationship status. I know, this maybe of no use in my professional writing career. But you remember I said I want to have fluency to write on any given topic.

      As a bonus, you have edited my work which taught me many more things. So, you know, as long as you’re not niche-blogging, you can choose any topic to write about. That’s what makes a personal blog. (Yours is a niche-blog, which means you cover a specific topic.)

  4. I can totally relate with this one. The guys being too uptight, it’s not healthy for a relationship. You’re right that the girl may soon face another hard breakup because if the guy doesn’t change, then it still wont work.

    Guys like us should not be too uptight. Let’s give them at least trust. Not to be so suspicious at all. Remember, trust is very important in a relationship, if you don’t have one, then the relationship perhaps will falter.

  5. Wow, fascinating post though, I read every word, as I’m interested in the impacts that online has on real life. Thing is, I think both of them need to accept responsibility for the childish arguments and on-off breakup then makeup. You demonstrated perfectly that both are at fault, and I think you did everything that a good friend can do, advise but be very honest with her, so it’s good that you did that.

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  8. This is how typical Bangladeshi relationships are nowadays, and even though I haven’t been through the exact same things, I recognize myself in certain situations. You should never show your weakness; that you can’t imagine a life without the other person; but most people happen to do it without realizing that they’re doing it. And most of the time the guy/girl is perfect at the beginning, but their true face comes out when it’s too late.

    Another thing is the trust matter. Some people can’t seem to understand that love without trust is like… a plant that doesn’t get watered. A relationship, whichever kind, cannot last without trust.

    Thanks for sharing this story :).

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