You Can’t Just Come In, Make People Care and then Just Check Out!

I had to play around with the title of this post. First I thought I’d write “Do you have this worst habit?” Then I replaced it and wrote “The Worst Thing About Me.” But that didn’t satisfy me either. So, I just copied the quote from a TV show and pasted it in the title bar because that best describes what I want to tell.

So, here’s a problem that I have. I know it’s disgusting. Some of you might say that it’s a bad habit or it’s because of too much online activity. I can assure that I’m not a chatroom or social networking freak. This problem might occur in real life, too. I think it’s all about how I take people into my mind.

Everyone Doesn’t Take Me Like I Take Them

It’s that simple. Sometimes I come across people who look and sound like really caring, friendly and honest. I enjoy talking to them. They share a lot of stuff and make me comfortable to talk about things that I’d rather not tell a stranger or a friend in my college. Most of the time these people behave like they too are on the lookout for someone who they can share everything with. Obviously I’m not talking about becoming girlfriend or boyfriend. I’m talking about being a friend who is a little different from others.

However, as you can already guess, they disappear after a short while. Not all of them, though. Some do exist but don’t really talk that much. It’s like after the initial introduction and some time of talking to each other passes, they move on the new people or just stick to the ones that existed even before I came. This sentence may have been too complex to understand but I believe you got what I mean. And that’s really where my problem is.

When someone, no matter which platform — Facebook, Blog or other IM conversation or just in real life — talks like that, I take them as a good friend. I know you can’t choose friends overnight. I’m not talking about overnight stuff. Take a few weeks or months for example. I know virtual friends aren’t real always. But again, I’ve spent most of my life alone (and I have no idea why I did) so when someone comes around in the virtual world, it feels really great.

My problem is that I begin to care them like a really good friend. I try to talk to them. I try to solve their problems. I try to listen to their stories. I try to be someone who would listen to stuff they didn’t find anyone else interested in listening. I try to inspire whenever I discover they have something to be depressed of. They appear to be really happy at that. But slowly this thing changes. I don’t know what happens. Possibly they don’t find much interest in talking anymore and therefore decides to move away. Or probably it’s just me thinking that. Probably it’s because I cannot be a good friend anyhow.

You Can’t Just Come in and Check out

So, am I crying not to have close friends on Facebook, or real life? Not really. My best friend is my blog who listens to everything and even gives back opinion from other people. But what I’m saying here is that you can’t just come in, make them care and then just check out. Yes, I copied it from The Walking Dead, but it’s really what I mean right now. If you’re just trying to be friendly, that’s another thing. But when you talk like you’re being a close friends, and then you make me care, and then you disappear or loose down all communications, it hurts.

I don’t have to be anyone’s boyfriend to feel that. In fact, a boyfriend — when broke up — feels nothing compared to what it feels like when a friend loses his friendship for reason unknown.

This one of the worst things about me really bothers me. Lucky that I’m not a girl, or else I’d have been bullied a million times already.

Does anything like this happen to you as well? How do you handle your emotion when someone you care creates a gap for no reason or turns out not that close to you as you thought in the first place?

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11 thoughts on “You Can’t Just Come In, Make People Care and then Just Check Out!

  1. An interesting post bhai. I’m not sure where to go with this one. Two things came to mind:

    First, you said TRY a lot. Maybe you just need to relax with everyone a little bit and remember you can’t solve everyone – or anyone’s – problem. In fact the best counselling advice suggest you shouldn’t try. Being there for someone is a good thing. Getting upset when they don’t need you right now isn’t.

    The second thing is, you’re young my friend. Part of this is part of that! With age (alas, I know) comes a little more wisdom and a lot more patience. Some people are only meant to be in our lives for a little while and then flutter out again – maybe forever. I’ve recently been finding a few people just like this who have come BACK into my life after years and years of no contact at all. It is good to have them back but, you know, they may be gone again soon.

    My advice is, let things ride, let people be what they want to be. If you like it, enjoy the time you have with them and appreciate them while you do – tomorrow they may be gone. If you don’t like how they are – back off from them – life is too short to get concerned about it.

    Last thought. No one can MAKE you do or think or feel anything. You are in control of everything about you. Your title is wrong – no one MAKES you care. You did that for yourself. Take responsibility for that and cherish it as a gift – knowing that can really empower you and this is something that businesses are beginning to cotton on to these days. You are your own boss inside. Whatever you feel – no matter how someone has pushed those buttons – is still under your control if you will take hold of that.

    Best wishes to you :)

  2. Lol… this is funny cuz I do this all the time. Or used to… or whatever… just trying to not to anymore. I open up and realize that I shouldn’t be opening up. For me it takes a lot to call someone a friend. In the virtual world, the friends I make… unless I eventually meet them in real life, I don’t see them as friends. Unfortunately some of them do, and I realize it’s because I opened up and they think that opening up equals to friendship. Maybe for them it is.

    It’s actually what I’ve written over and over in my blog… for people to be careful, that I’m ruthless etc. I’ve hurt people both intentionally and unintentionally doing this sort of things… and worse… and I’ve never felt regretful about it. At least not when it comes to the people I’ve done it to. The only thing I’ve regretted is opening up in the first place. So I think best advice I have for you is not to wear your heart on your sleeve. Cuz there are some really evil people out there…

  3. It’s a phenomenon that I am familiar with and that disgusts me from time to time. There are just too many people who absorb the lot of you and then just leave you hanging. This really is bad, but it happens to all of us. Now you might expect it would easy to just be superficial. Well, it isn’t. In any contact I make, I try to go deep. Even though half the times you get rejected or left. Those who stick around as a result of this are too valuable to risk missing out on a few new great friends.

  4. What a excellent wewebsite you’ve got right the following. Make sure you up-date it more regularly. This kind of topics will be my own curiosity. Thanks.

  5. Thanks for a marvelous posting! I truly enjoyed reading it, you can be a great author.I will
    always bookmark your blog and will often come back someday.
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