Today I probably lost something. I lost something that was probably never mine. I know it sounds incomplete, confused; it really is. I’m confused, the story is incomplete. I don’t know if I just lost it. I don’t even know if it was mine to lose.
Sometimes you dream. Your dream then dies. And then you dream again. Today, I lost something because I had dreamed. My dream was stabbed in the heart because I had dreamed once. Dream within a dream is only possible in Inception. In reality, you can only dream one after another. And sometimes, the first incomplete dream comes back haunting you and kills anytime you dare dream again.
Today, I lost my dream, again, because I had dreamed once; which, however, was lost too.
I thought it was going to change my life. I thought it would make me believe again. I thought it would add meaning to the things I’m still looking for an answer to. I thought, this was what I had been waiting for.
Probably this indeed was. I had a feeling that it really was what I had been expecting. But even before I could lean forward to take it as my destiny, it vanished. It blamed on what my previous destiny was. It blamed on what I had done before this destiny arrived. It blamed me that I ever had a destiny before.
Today, I lost something. I might probably get it back somehow. It might rethink and come back to being mine again. But it would never be the same again. It has brought back what was meant to be buried deep in the yellow pages of history. It struck itself with the unpleasant. Now, even if it comes back, it will never feel the same again. Not to me; to itself, it will never feel the same.
Still somewhere deep inside, I feel a sound that expects to get it. Probably I haven’t lost it yet. Probably I still stand a chance to get it back. But then again, it’s all too incomplete, confusing, and cruel.
Someone, if not everyone, said that life is cruel, hard, unacceptable, unfair, unexpected, and often unwanted. As I grow up, I begin to realize how true each of these things is in real life
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