They say failure is the pillar of success. Did they say how many pillars does success actually need?

There comes a time when you know that, despite putting all of your efforts into achieving something, into becoming someone, you just can’t. There comes a realization that no matter how hard you try and how deeply you believe in yourself, it just doesn’t work. There comes a time when even your own convincing notes to yourself sounds like blatantly spoken lies. Something that you made up just to keep yourself going and going.

In a never-ending direction.

And then one day you stop to think for a moment, have you actually arrived anywhere? Are you any closer to what you want to be? Do all those years of what you believed to be baby steps towards becoming who you want to be actually have gone in vain?

One day, you look back and notice that you haven’t improved; not even a tiniest bit. You are who you were when you started off. Your constant efforts and self-confidence just prove themselves to be nothing but rants. You stop believing. You stop believing in your own lies. You finally get your head above the surface and see that you actually cannot move. The universe has not given you any fuel to move forward. You realize, you were never meant to be who you want to be.

You stand shocked; devastated in disbelief. You don’t know why it had to be you. But by then you do know that it’s not going to work out. You have to step out of your lies and believe in the discomforting reality.

You have to face the fact that you weren’t meant to be with people. No matter how hard you try, it just won’t happen.

At that very moment, you instantly recognize your fate.

Some things are never meant to happen. Some dreams, no matter how childish, are never meant to be real, even if it’s so real for everyone else around you that it doesn’t even count as a dream.

And then you know that it’s time to give up. Be a workaholic and lose yourself in your work. Because, you can’t be who you want to be. It’s just easier and much painless to accept the fate and move on being “okay” with it.

Because not everyone is gifted with everything. Sooner or later you have to give up on things that you can never achieve, or never become.

It’s better to do that sooner. When you know, it just won’t work.

Or do you?

6 thoughts

  1. I meant to reply to your previous post. I’ve been busy recently though. Let me start off by saying that I live in the United States and am a native English speaker.

    Your written English is overall pretty good. It’s better than at least 50% of what I saw from community college students. Overall, reading your articles, I can’t tell that you’re not a native English speaker.

    Did the guy ever get back to you as to what he thought was not translated properly? If not, I wouldn’t worry about his claim. That entire part seemed like a scam to me (he claims errors so he can publish what you wrote without paying you). I don’t know the entire situation though.

    As for whether you should give up writing, that’s totally up to you. My advice would be to put it aside for a while. If in 6 months, a year, two years or at some point in the future, you find yourself thinking about it, start writing again. I’m currently between colleges for the next 9 months and my current goals are to work on things that I have yet to achive. They range from reading biology and math text books to learning speak Japanese and play guitar. These were all things that I tried to learn in past classes, but I struggled.

    Currently, I have gotten throughh small part of the Math textbook over the past two weeks. Math is one of my better subjects, so I know that I will eventually be able to get throught he book when I invest the time. Chapters read, lessons learned, and a goal checked off. However, when it comes to Guitar and Japanese, it won’t be that simple. I can work through every textbook I own and I can become better, but I doubt that I will play at the level of a rockstar or speak Japanese as well as a native. I guess your goal is more specific than mine though. I still wouldn’t consider it a failure, even if you don’t end with a job in English media. You can still improve your English (writing style or spoken language) and you can still keep English writing as a hobby if you enjoy writing.

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    1. Hi Allen,

      Apologies for replying late and thank you for your realistic words. But let me tell you in advance that this post is completely unrelated to the previous post. Yes, I do feel like I’m not going anywhere with my English, which would establish a relationship between this post and the previous one, but writing had nothing to do with what I had in mind when I was writing this post. In fact, in 7th paragraph, there is a little hint as to what this is all about.

      I’ll give you another, I’m an introvert; and I don’t get along well with people.

      But I do appreciate your comment and I’m kind of blown away that you said you couldn’t tell from my writing that I wasn’t a native English speaker. That means a lot. I do fear that still because of not being in an English-speaking environment, I might not land a job at English media (you can’t learn all the idioms and phrases from books unless you’re practically in a place where you can learn them over time.), which would mean I would continue writing in Bangla but still write in English in this — among other — blogs. Because what you said is true: I enjoy writing even in English. That’s what enables me to reach people like you from other parts of the world.

      As for the translation task, he said it was okay and that it didn’t matter for that time. He sent a couple more. Let’s see how I do with them.

      Again, thanks for your comments. I really do appreciate it.

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  2. Ps. Please, please, please stop the snowing! Or at least limit it only to your AIS banner. When I first saw it, I thought either my eyes were going buggy, or my tablet screen was having terrible problems. It is also distracting when trying to read text.

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    1. Hi, apologies for the issues. I believe WordPress.com has lessened the amount of snows? This is a special addition to WordPress.com-hosted blogs for the month of December — in celebration of Christmas and New Year — but if it’s bugging you. Please let me know and I’ll have it disabled.

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  3. I am sorry I don’t agree with what you said.
    It seems to me that you are in despair, for some reasons, which resulted in such a post. Well, it can happen when things go in a direction that you didn’t expect.
    I won’t give you any advice, for I am not qualified, but I can tell you what I would do if I were in place of you. I would never give in, I would stick to my dream and continue pursuing it. I don’t believe success means the absence of failure. While you may encounter many defeats, you must not be defeated!
    My best wishes to you 🙂

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    1. Thanks for your kind words. To say that what I want to achieve (which I’ve failed so far and thus this post) is a dream is more like a funny thing. So much that I avoided what it is as much as I could. But yes, maybe I should continue trying it. But sometimes being stubborn to achieve something that’s not for me to achieve lands me in rather awkward situations. This is the result of one of those situations that make me think twice.

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